I know a lot of people out there who have varying degrees of blindness. Some got their eyes fixed with mystical lasers from the heavens, some can’t see at night or read small text, and others, like myself, can’t even see their own nipples without their glasses.
Most of the time this little inconvenience comes into play in inconsequential situations. Like when you drop your glasses while waking up and you have to crawl on your hands and knees, searching for something you can’t even see. Other times the situation is of much greater importance. Like when you take a shower without your contacts in, and you glance down while shampooing and peeing at the same time and see a faint pink tinge to the urine coming out of your penis. Of course, being blind as a rock, you’re not too sure that’s what you saw and you brush it off. Until the next night when the same situation occurs, only this time your contacts are in, and this time it’s clear as day that there is indeed blood pouring out of your dick like a geyser in Yellowstone National Park.
These kinds of life altering experiences don’t happen too often. That whole bleeding dick episode happened and was remedied immediately a few years back. So I guess I was kind of due for another shock by this point. Contacts removed, I grabbed my Oral-B Sonicare Toothbrush and dabbed a pea-sized dollop of toothpaste on that puppy. As I sprinkled a bit of water on it, I notice a little shadow down in the bottom of the sink. I went on my merry way, brushing for the doctor recommended 2 minutes, and as I leaned in to spit, the gravity of the situation came into focus. That shadow that I assumed was water turned out to be a centipede. It was crawling out of the sink hole, trying its damnedest to get out of the sink and seek vengeance upon me for nearly drowning him. After a yelp and picture, this moustachioed beast was expelled to whence he came, the depths of hell; or wherever water and toothpaste goes.
Remember, if you’re optically impaired, keep some sort of corrective lenses on, in, or nearby so you don’t end up with a mouth full of centipede or a shower full of bloody piss.